Oh my. It’s almost unnerving to be sitting here thinking about what to write. It’s been so long, it almost feels as if I’ve kept things from you. How deceitful of me! {grin. Me, deceitful? What?} Know that it’s nothing personal. I’m not on a blogging strike, nor am I intentionally ignoring my lovely blog in favor of Twitter.

It can all be summed up to one word. Just one – Fatigue. Yep, the never-ending complete and utter physical exhaustion that is almost impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. “Fatigue? Oh, so you’re just tired right?” Yeah. Sure. Think being driven over a few times by a semi, right after getting the wind knocked out of you by a really fast and invisible soccer ball only to find out that you have the flu on top of it all. Yes, that right, the flu. And now you’re absolutely parched but you’re just so tired that it doesn’t feel worth it to reach across the table for your glass of water. Maybe just thinking about drinking will deliver that punch of H2O to all those cells that need it. No? Oh well, it doesn’t matter really. Chances are I’d forget about why I was supposed to be thinking about it anyway.

Needlessly I feel the need to explain that I’m not just tired. I’m wiped out. Drained. Of late, I’m even too exhausted to correct the people who assume that I’m simply tired.

I’ve also been herxing on and off for the past few weeks. A few good days here and there, but overall I’ve just felt “off”. Something doesn’t feel right. All the dots aren’t connected in my connect the numbers picture. Doing homework is hard, and that’s coming from a girl who actually enjoys doing homework. I know, it’s weird, but something about having it taken away from me when all I wanted was to be well again and go back to school just makes it mean something. It’s an accomplishment. And, I do take pride in what I complete and turn in. But lately, I’m falling behind. My to-do lists are longer at the end of the day than when I started. Somehow, that doesn’t seem very productive!

My mind feels like sludge. Every single joint in my body aches. It’s as if I’m stuck in sand, trying to climb out. Or maybe it’s more like the creaky Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz before Dorothy oils his joints. I’m not sleeping well. And my poor stomach still isn’t happy!

Yes, my friends this all points towards the inevitable. It’s Fall. My dreaded season. Everything gets worse from now until February. Fall and Winter are my worst months; I spent the rest of the year recovering from them and preparing for them to happen all over again. At least, that’s what it feels like.

Fall is here. If it wasn’t below 40 degrees outside and almost midnight I’d scream it. Maybe not from a rooftop, but I’d scream it all the same.

And yet, as each day that becomes more and more apparent, I’m trying to stay hopeful. This year might be different. This year I might break that pattern. This year is the first Fall/Winter that I’ll be treating the Lyme and other various infections beating the crap out of my body! Yay for that!

So, on that positive note I’ll leave you for the night.

Peace, healing, and sweet dreams, molly

 

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” ~ Bill Cosby