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Update on current conditions:
Molly’s brain has been experiencing heavy bouts of fog today.
It’s fully expected to continue throughout the night and into tomorrow morning. If we’re lucky, it’ll clear up over the weekend.
I’m not sure where to credit this photo, but I stumbled across it today and it moved me. Yes. This. This is how I feel today.
Today wasn’t a good day, but I’ve felt worse. I have what I need to heal right now. I’m in pain, but I was given another day to overcome it. My life is far from perfect. But I am truly blessed.
Keep an eye out for a treatment updated soon! I’m still here. Taking life one day at a time.
Yesterday my parents and I drove out of town to see my LLMD. It’s not too far away, but it’s not close by like my other doctor. We usually stop to stretch our legs along the way. This time we stopped at a lakeside marina with a small park looking out over the water. It was beautiful. Blissful. Calming. Centering. I could go on… But what I loved most was the swings. One of my rules in life is to never pass up a chance to swing. Just don’t. Take a moment to fly through the air, feel the wind on your face, give in to a giggle and you won’t regret it. I promise!
Anyone ever read their horoscope? I don’t base my life on them, but I do occasionally like to take a peek at it in the morning paper. This was mine this morning. It’s SO true. I love it. Usually they’re super generic. True, this one is also. But I love it all the same. It’s a beautiful reminder, and message :) Just wanted to share!
The chaos of my life is channeled in the kitchen. I pour and I mix. I measure and I eyeball. I trust. I challenge. Not everything turns out, but I enjoy the journey.
I adore food and cooking. I find cooking & baking for food allergies to be a challenge that I relish. Here’s a few quick photos of what I’ve been playing with recently.
Blueberry Almond Oatmeal Breakfast Cake
I wish I had more photos, but usually I forget! Recently I’ve also made and absolutely enjoyed this watermelon salad, potato mac salad, onion hash w/ added fresh chives, apple cinnamon jicama breakfast porridge, I fell in love with this simple, yet filling spring vegetable stew w/ pistou, these thumbprint cookies deserve their awe-inspiring title, this chocochia “milkshake” hit the spot, baked donuts, and rosemary & olive savory scones.
People often ask me about my diet. My biggest pet peeve? Please, please don’t ask me “What DO you eat?” or “What’s left to eat?” after I tell you about my diet. I take it seriously, and you making a joke about it won’t help.
It’s intense, but perfectly do-able. I’m eating better now that I ever have! It’s a joy to eat real, whole foods.
My diet is as organic as possible since I have an inability on the DNA level to detox chemicals well. I no longer eat gluten, dairy, soy, corn, processed sugars, chicken or eggs. I joke around that I’m a meat-eating vegan, since I am a vegan baker. I use stevia, raw honey, pure maple syrup, dates & very rarely coconut sugar as sweeteners in my cooking and baking.
It’s been a long, tough road but I love my diet. Some days I’m frustrated and tired of it all. I’ve fallen to the kitchen floor in frustration some nights while trying to find dinner. It is very hard to stay on top of, but I know that it has made a huge impact on my daily life and my health. I feel better. I feel much, much worse if I cheat and eat something I’m intolerant to. It’s as simple as that. Period.
More food talk to come!
Happy eating :)
“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude.”
Intentions are a powerful thing. This awesome universe that we live in works in mysterious ways. I’ve had this proven to me time and time again. I don’t know why it still surprises me, but it truly does and I’m glad! I want to be surprised by the world we live in. Life wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if it were a series of predicable events.
I wrote on my birthday that I wanted to start living life again. Imagine what the universe threw my way…
I watch more TV than is good for a person. I admit it. One of the shows that my parents and I love is USA’s Fairly Legal. It’s about a woman trying to keep her crazy life together while helping people with their own problems as a mediator for a law firm. At the firm she has an absolutely wonderful & hilarious assistant, named Leo.
I love Leo. I want an assistant like Leo in my life. He could help me manage my dozens of pills each day, make phone calls, help with SSDI paperwork, drive me to appointments and just help keep me sane in an unpredictable life. I could really use a Leo.
But, I don’t have a Leo. So I watch the show and I laugh. The actor who plays Leo is Baron Vaughn. Baron Vaughn happens to also be a comedian. Which, made perfect sense once I found that out! The man has me in stitches on the show, seriously. And those of you who know me personally, yes I do laugh at almost everything and yes I do laugh so hard there are tears present at least once a week, but honestly, this dude is funny!
Friday night after my friends had come and left (more on that later), my parents had gone to bed, and I was wide awake I was on IMDb looking up actors in another USA show, which led me to Wiki, which led me eventually to Fairly Legal and Baron Vaughn and then to his personal website. I have no idea how I leapt from one thing to another to another until I landed where I did, but I believe it was the universe doin’ it’s thing.
Have you guessed yet what it was the universe threw my way?
Baron Vaughn was in Minneapolis doing a show at a local comedy club the very next night! I couldn’t believe it. It seemed like a cosmic answer to my intention. I wanted to life live a little. Well, I did. Saturday night I found myself dressed in actual clothes instead of sweats and sitting in a club laughing at a wonderful comedian in person instead of in my living room on the TV.
It felt magic.
I laughed so much I was sore afterwards! He has such a wonderful sense of humor. My parents and I were impressed with his intelligent wit. So enjoyable! It was just what I needed. Mom and Dad, I know you’re reading this. Thank you for taking me!
My dad nearly fell out of his chair I believe when he asked from the stage if anyone was following a weird or unusual diet. I laughed, but I didn’t want to try to explain mine! Too complicated. And way too much fodder for him to expound upon! He went into a story about how he was trying to kick sugar and how HARD it is to do. My favorite part of the show!! I could absolutely laugh in understanding, unlike those around me who had no clue for the most part.
Check out his website for videos of him sometime if you need a laugh.
So the universe has proven to me once again that it has a hand in our lives. I’m not saying we have no choice, no free will. No. And I don’t know if I believe in fate or in destiny. I just know that I believe in the power of intentions. I put that wish out into the universe and the universe answered back; it acknowledged it and honored it.
I enjoyed myself in the moment, drinking it all in, just like I had wished.
What will the universe and I do next? I’m curious! I’m keeping myself open and my intentions out there. Life is a beautiful thing.
peace and healing,
The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature. — Joseph Campbel
Those are the words that my LLMD said to me last week. “We’re finally winning.” I can’t even begin to describe what hearing that was like. I heard the words; I smiled. But those fantastic words didn’t sink in right away. I felt… like I was staring down a beautiful cliff, unsure of what I was doing there and what I should be feeling – awe from the spectacular view or fear from being so close to the edge.
I was talking to another Lyme friend of mine recently about how hard it is to trust those words I was told. Here’s a snippet of what I said, “I haven’t ever lost hope of recovery, but somehow this feels different now. It’s not sometime in the future. It’s starting right now. I want to accept that gratefully, but I’m still protecting myself from the possibility I’ll get worse again. It’s a fine line…”.
Like I said, I have never lost hope. I believe that we will all find days of health ahead of us as we recover from these life-altering infections. We will.
However in order to function each day, in order to allow myself to put one step in front of the other, I do have a wall of protection that I keep up. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe not. I don’t know. But I know that it’s there.
I think it was the day after my appointment that they finally began to sink in. I gleefully told my acupuncturist about it the next morning, and I remember the joy in the conversation. I could feel my face light up. That was the first moment it felt real. I hope I never forget that feeling!
Now I think I’ve accepted the fact that I am actually improving. I’m not feeling much of a change in my symptoms, but I can only hope that soon my body will catch up and give me a much-needed break!
I haven’t blogged much this year. I simply haven’t felt up to it. Computers often make me sick, and my symptoms have truly overwhelmed me in the past few months. However, I’m thrilled to say that this week I’ve felt better. I’ve had more energy, and my mental clarity has felt just a bit sharper. I’m even happier that I’m feeling better today of all days.
Today happens to be my birthday.
I think that feeling the way I do today will be one of the best gifts I’ll receive!
Today I turn 20. Where all the years have gone, I have no idea. I wish I could have a few of them back! I feel older than my age, not surprisingly. But I’m so glad that in reality I am just 20 and not 83 – like I feel many days. My wish this year is that I’ll finally be feeling well enough to live a little. I have dreams and adventures, things to do and places to see! I’d like to start crossing things off my bucket list! If today is an example of the year ahead… I think my wish will be coming true : )
Another phrase my LLMD said to me in my appointment has stuck with me also. She said, “You’re doing amazing.” Imagine that… I’m doing amazing! I think she was as surprised as I am.
I’d like to celebrate my new year each amazing moment at a time. I’m going to savor them.
Peace and healing,