“Not today. Tomorrow”, I tell myself.

It’s too late to do anything and too early to sleep. So I go through my options. I could read, but I’m not excited about my library book at the moment. I could watch a movie. Oh, wait, I already watched two today. Or, I could come talk to you, lovely readers!

How are you? Are you having a good holiday season? I certainly hope so! Living in Minnesota, we’ve had enough snow lately to guarantee a white Christmas like I’ve never seen before. I live on top of a hill and some of the windblown snow heaps were thigh-high last weekend! We were literally snowed into the house for a while there. And it’s cold too.

I’ve kept inside. I love winter, but this year I’ve lived it indoors, usually from the comfort of my couch with a cup of tea in hand and a classic movie playing on my dvr. To be fair, I’ve watched a few Christmas movies! I have to do what I can to get in the spirit of things.

I have to admit though, I’ve been feeling awful for days and I can’t seem to get into the holiday spirit. Yet. I know I will, I always do. I love Christmas. It’s full of family, and food, and laughter. Warm memories. Part of my problem is that fact that I’ve been feeling too ill to bake cookies. Every day I wander into the kitchen, look at my shiny new set of cookie cutters on the counter and sigh.

“Not today. Tomorrow.” I tell myself.

I don’t know what’s going on with me, but something is. Maybe I’m herxing, or I’m beginning to become more toxic. I don’t know. I need to tell my LLMD but I’m not sure what to say. I’ve been trying to think of how to describe this, but no concise explanation is coming to mind.

My head aches. My abdomen is swollen with the feeling that it’s my actual organs that are so painful. I’m dizzy, fatigued, nauseous. I’m shaking like a leaf and am conscious of my rapid pulse. My limbs are falling asleep when they shouldn’t. I know I should exercise more, I really am too sedentary, but this is getting ridiculous! Yesterday I was crouching down when my leg began to fall asleep. I’m growing somewhat used to this, so I ignored it for a few moments longer. Bad choice, Molly. When I stood up I had a horrifying moment where I couldn’t move or feel my leg. My foot wouldn’t leave the ground. The moment I stopped trying, my foot jerked out of place and I would have fallen if I hadn’t caught myself on a nearby chair. In this ordeal I rolled my ankle, too!

Today I spelled my name wrong while I was writing my signature.

All I feel like doing is curling up into a ball and waiting for it to be over. This too shall pass, right? That’s what I keep telling myself.

Lately I’m canceling plans with friends, avoiding cooking, and I’m sure my tone of voice isn’t doing me any justice. Here I am, a week away from Christmas and I want to spend the days wrapped in blankets on the couch. I’m barely moving.

I was having a tough few days before I saw my acupuncturist this week. I told her all about my LLMD’s concerns over toxicity, and she got to work. I’ve steadily gotten worse since then. I think some of the toxins have been released, and I’m working to get them out. A detox Epsom salt bath is on the docket for tomorrow! And I’m very grateful to have another acupuncture appointment next week.

Tomorrow is a new day. I have hope it’ll be a better one than today. I’d love to start getting some of the Christmas decorations up around the house. Who knows, maybe I really will get to make those cookies tomorrow!

 

Peace & healing,

molly

Instead of a quote, I thought I’d post a photo of a quote tonight. I like to change it up :)

The other night I saw this in the book I was reading and I thought I’d share it.

What happened to Fall?

Just a quick post before I fall up into my bed. {I say “up into” because I have a loft bed, and try as I have, it’s impossible to just fall into it. Frustrating, yes, but I deal because I love it.} I almost forgot over the weekend, but I have an appointment with my LLMD bright and early tomorrow morning. You’re all in-the-loop again. How’s it feel? I’m enjoying it! 

I just finished writing up my most recent symptoms, and questions to talk about tomorrow. I think we’ll be discussing my co-infection panel results this time. We only had the preliminary results last month, and my LLMD wanted to refer with another doctor in-state about my results.

I’m a little frustrated because I’m seeing a pattern in my symptoms and some of those that I thought were gone for good, seem to be back. I’ve had 3 migraines in the past month. Those have been gone for months! We thought that they were being caused by the gluten in my diet because almost as soon as I went gluten-free they began to decrease. Why are they back?

And, true to my yearly patterns my winter air hunger is back with a vengeance. Yuck. My pulse has been so fast that some nights it’s hard to fall asleep. And my hands are so sore that I can barely write a lesson’s worth of math notes. My teachers are so understanding, but you try explaining brain fog to them. It’s hard! Especially when you’re experiencing said brain fog at the time!

Of course, this pain and soreness can be partially blamed on the weather. Did you know, that it has SNOWED here in Minneapolis? Yes. Inches of snow on October 12th. I don’t remember it being this cold and white this early! {But then, I try not to rely on my memory…} This feels truly bizarre. I love snow as much as anyone, but what happened to fall? Just wondering, since last week I announced that it was “officially here”.

 

Wish me luck tomorrow!

Peace and healing, molly

 

“Kindness is like snow – it beautifies everything it covers”