One action, one thought, one moment at a time.

I have both exciting and nerve-wracking news share with you! My current LLMD has been recommending that I seek a consult with a more specialized  and experienced LLMD since last winter. We’ve been putting off this move because, quite honestly, the expense of a non-insured LLMD is astronomical. However, my health has been steadily declining since January of this year. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that 2011 has been one of my absolute worst years in the course of my illness. My LLMD has admitted that I’m beyond her abilities at this point.

We took the plunge.

An appointment with a new LLMD was scheduled. The only problem? I was distraught to hear that I wouldn’t be seen until December. I knew I didn’t want to go on living like I have been. I hoped for something – just something – to surface. 

And, here comes the exciting news – it did! This week we received a call saying that if I wished I could take an appointment that was open after a cancelation. We took it!! I see the new LLMD next Wednesday, the 7th of September!!

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers sending positive, healing vibes for next week’s appointment! I’m hoping to receive some expert guidance and a new treatment protocol.

At the moment I’m feeling overwhelmed with the intense paperwork required, the tests I haven’t had done yet, and the thought that I have a 3 hour appointment ahead of me where my whole story and every single symptom from the last three years will need to be retold and analyzed. I’m excited, nervous, and crossing my fingers that this doctor will finally hold the answer I so desperately need.

I’m taking many, many deep breathes, drinking tea to soothe my stomach and my soul, trying to recapture lost memories, and generally taking this all as it comes. One action, one thought, one moment at a time.

 

With love,

molly

 

“May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.”

A Medication Vacation

I’ve always been a firm believer in the knowledge that life isn’t all black and white. We live in the gray, and we make the best we can of what we’re given.

However… I never thought that the concept of being “healthy” would appear to me as something nondescriptly gray. Theoretically it’s such a clear-cut, simple issue. Not always so.

I feel as though I’m adrift. I’m bobbing along in the waves waiting for the clarity that calm waters will bring.

I have so much to share with you! You’ll have to be patient with me as I grapple with the correct way to explain what has happened to me in the last few months of my Lyme treatment journey. Tonight, I’ll share the most important part.

My doctor and I (for various reasons I’ll explain at some point) decided to take me off of all my pharmaceutical antibiotics this month. It’s been just over two weeks now, and I’m lost. I have absolutely no idea how my body feels about the change. I have had such trying months since November, that I was truly not sure what to expect.

I’m being treated for an intestinal yeast infection in the interim. Which – if I may sideline for a moment – sucks! My abdomen is still swollen and I believe I had a significant herx right after beginning treatment.

Since the 11th I have had days some good days, and some horrible, and too many in-between. Nothing is constant. I’m searching for clues, taking mental notes, observing myself. Some symptoms are better and others are worse.

I’m adrift, keeping my head above water in the gray. I’m frustrated. But at least I’ve earned myself a medication vacation for a while :)

 

Wishing health & happiness abound,

molly

 

“Each time we face a fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” -Unknown

I really do.

 

I really, really do.

Life deserves a happy ending, no matter how much you have to go through to finally find it. Some days it feels like there is no end. We treat, and treat, and see only more road in front of us. Today I felt the need to remind myself that yes, there is an end of the road and a beginning of a new one. Sometime, someplace. It won’t always be like this. I will find a happy ending. And you will too :)