Well, I had an eye-opening experience this afternoon. I love those, I really do. They’re such rare experiences and yet they shouldn’t be, they really shouldn’t be. It’s so clear in my mind I had to write about it. I was resting this afternoon after a long morning when it happened. I had English, and Art, and Chemistry all swirling around in my brain, and to add Economics on top of that was a bit much on a day where I was testing out new contacts and Herxing (needless to say). So there I was watching TV, or at least trying to. I moved from the chair to the bed. Switched movies at least five times. And, I still couldn’t find a comfortable position or concentrate on anything to watch. I was just restless, in pain, and oh so fatigued.
Finally, I turned to my favorite movie: Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window. But, that’s beside the point. As I was lying there listening to the voices of Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly argue about the merits of people being able to live anywhere they wanted, I suddenly realized that it was quiet. I mean, sure there were the voices on the TV and the dog breathing loudly in the hallway and the sounds of life outside the window. But, in my head it was quiet.
All I could hear was the silence. It wasn’t deafening. It was sweet. It was peaceful. It was absolute bliss for a few moments. The high-pitched ringing that had been echoing through my skull for hours had stopped. I remember simply smiling, until I realized that I didn’t know how long it had been stopped for. What if it had been gone for an hour already and I, too busy trying to tune it out, had missed the joyous occasion?
And so, my eye-opening experience comes into play now. I realized that for the past few days, maybe even weeks, I’ve been experiencing new symptoms but I’d been blocking them out. I noticed them, and I lived with them, but I hadn’t been enough in-tune with my body. That’s something I need to work on. I need to stay grounded. I need to not live outside my body looking in, but actually live in it. And that, my friends will be hard. I fully admit that. We’ll see how I do with my renewed realization in the next few days.
More to come.
“There are times when silence has the loudest voice.” ~Leroy Brownlow