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I had an awesome weekend, but I woke up this morning not feeling so hot. I’m moving slowly, but I don’t quite know how to describe how I feel. Which, is odd. Usually I have a pretty good handle on what’s wrong. But today, it’s a jumble. I’m not overly dizzy; I’m not in too much pain; I slept OK. But I do know that I don’t feel like I’m really in control right now. My body is weak, and trembling. I’m shaky, and I hate it.

 

I took a long, hot shower this afternoon. I thought it might help me out. And, it has. I’m more awake, which is a good sign. And I thoughtfully remembered to turn the radio on so I could save myself from just the echoing ringing in my ears this morning. And I’m glad I did because a song came on that just hit home. It was Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars. I’ve always loved this song, and I own an incredible acoustic version of it.

 

But today, laying in the bathtub the lyrics just seemed so perfect. So spot on. Here are the ones I’m talking about :

 

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

 

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That’s bursting into life

Simple, and yet so profound for me today. You can listen to the whole song here. I hope you enjoy it, it’s one of my favorites.

 

More later,

molly

 

Music is what feelings sound like.”  ~ Author Unknown

Anyone else out there using Lyme Log? I just signed up and it looks awesome! You imput your symptoms, medications, and activities that you want to log and it sorts all the info into graphs and charts over time. It even gives you an option to record whether of not the day is part of a herx. This is perfect, and I think it’s just what I need. I hate keeping track of my symptoms, and this seems like a quick, easy, and painless way to do it every night.

 

It took me a while to figure out they’re scoring system, until I realized that I needed parts of it reversed. Great. What does that tell you? But come on people, pain is ranked on a 1-10 scale with 10 being the highest isn’t it? That’s how I’ve always done it. Luckily they have it set up so that confused little people like me can reverse it. Didn’t I tell you this looked awesome?

 

I’m hoping that my doctor will be able to access this at her office. That way all my logged symptoms will be right there!

 

I’m off to bed for tonight though. It was a long, tough day to get through today. After last night, of course it would be right? Oh, and I started a new medication today. Now I’m taking Levaquin to help fight my co-infection of bartonella. Anyone else taking this med? I’d love to hear from you if you are, or have in the past. I’m somewhat nervous about it because my pain increased horribly only hours after taking my first dose this morning. We’ll see what happens. I’ll keep you all posted.

 

Peace, molly

 

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” ~ Lance Armstrong

I can’t sleep. I want to be sleep. In fact, I wish I was sleeping right now. But no, I can’t sleep because the minute I turned out the light tonight I knew I wouldn’t be falling into a nice dream-infested sleep anytime soon.

 

The darkness was too dark. I was suddenly, unquestionably nauseous and as I lay there thinking I should get up, walk around, find some water, and probably a bucket, I couldn’t move. My legs ache so much I can’t lay on my side like I normally do because they’d be touching. My feet ache. My arms, my fingers, my back, they all ache with pain. My ears are ringing, and all I want is to fall asleep after a very, very long day.

 

But I’m here instead, with my little plastic bucket by my feet waiting to see if I’ll throw-up again. I summoned up the stamina to walk right down the ladder of my loft bed, fall onto my couch, and precede to throw-up. Not just once, but several times. I’ve only ever been this nauseous from the dizziness, enough to make me do that, one other time that I can recall. And that was about four years ago.

 

I was hoping, no I was praying, that things wouldn’t get this bad so quickly. Is this another Herxheimer reaction? If so, how long will it last? Will it get worse, or will it be better? My day went from good  (I made progress in Algebra II this afternoon!), to bad (Both my parents are sick with the Flu, and I’m doing my best to dodge it), to terrible tonight. And I doubt it’ll be getting any better because I’m decently sure that I just threw up at least some of my meds. Great.

 

Here I go, back up my ladder bucket-in-hand.

Thanks for the venting session :)

molly

 

“Sleep is like the unicorn – it is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any” ~Unknown

I don’t know where the days went. It was Tuesday, and the next thing I know it’s Friday night and I’m exhausted. Well, that seems to point towards me having at least an exiting week. Which I did, I can verify that for ya. =)

 

But anyhow, lets see what did I do? There was a Girl Scout leader meeting that Em and I went to on Monday night. We publicized our camp a bit, so that was fun. And chatted, of course. There’s always more planning to be done. Let’s see what else…. Oh, ok I had a chiropractor appointment mid-week or so. That helped my migrates so much. Suddenly I could move my back freely and breath easier too. I’m just amazed every time I go back. My headaches are much improved from this time last week. I’m, needless to say, happy about that. Then I had a few days of internet-inactivity/mind-numbing frustration. It’s up and running now… but it and I haven’t found a mutual appreciation yet. We’re working on it…

 

Then Tara had a dress-fitting for the wedding. That was so fun! A little crazy and stressful perhaps, but it was nice. Tara brought over the dress she ended up buying this afternoon though. It’s so beautiful!! I can’t wait to see it on her. It’s absolutely perfect for her, a mix of everything she wanted. And, it’s vintage! She’s thrilled, it was so fun seeing her face as she showed it to me. I got to try out my bridesmaid dress too, which I love! It’ll be green and it’s so cute. I’m happy with it. Both Chris and Tara thought I’d like it. They were right!

 

And tonight, my goodness was there excitement. I was able to hang out with Dan and Gracia at the mall for a few hours. To be perfectly honest, I was just relieved to be out of my house! But, it’s been over a month since I saw Gracia last. And that’s a long time not to see your best friend! So it was awesome to see them, I was so excited I barely got any work done today (but shhhh….). Ahhh, normality is truly bliss.

 

I think overall, it was a great week but it was a rough one. The rain had me nearly couch-ridden for a few days there. Something about the change in humidity I think, it always makes me hurt so much more. I’ve been much dizzier, and nauseous this week. I’m started taking my anti-nausea meds every day. I’m just dragging, and moving slower than I’d like. I keep noticing how tired I am. I’ve also discovered that blurry vision is my newest herx symptom. That explains why I was having such a problem finding the correct contact prescription! It felt like my eyes kept changing, and turns out they probably were. Greaaat. And the blurriness is just making me more dizzy, which makes me more nauseous. It’s just a cycle that I can’t seem to catch the end of.

Here’s hoping for a restful weekend!

 

Peace, molly

 

“Sometimes in our confusion, we see not the world as it is, but the world though eyes blurred by the mind.” ~ Unknown

Here are the photos I promised! This is about all I have to show for last Friday. With no internet, I was forced to entertain myself all afternoon. Hope you like them =)

 

Treehouse by Tham & Videgard Hansson is Almost Invisible : TreeHugger

 

Can I just say, I want to go here. How absolutely beautiful is this?! A treehouse built to minimize the impact upon it’s surroundings, now that’s living green right there. Am I right? I’ve always loved treehouses. Something about them just draws you to them.

Has it really only been a week? God, it feels like so much longer! Not only have we been struggling with our internet connectivity while we switch providers, but on top of that my computer completely crashed. It’s Murphy’s Law in action. I swear!

 

I still don’t know what happened to my computer, and I’m not sure that I want to. It’s working now. I’m just thankful for that! I do know however that it took my dad hours on the phone over the week with Dell as well as a weekend of reloading every piece of software I use on a daily basis on a connection not much faster than dial-up (read that as Extremely Time Consuming!!!) I think I finally loaded the last program this afternoon. But seriously, I always joke around with my dad that he couldn’t live a day without his computer…. yeah… somehow I don’t find that so funny anymore!

 

I had a few days there that I barely knew what do do with myself. I couldn’t check my email, talk on IM, listen to my music, go to school, or blog. Or the million other things I felt like I should be doing. It was so bizarre! I seriously did feel so unconnected with life. I wasn’t bored, just impatient. And yet, it was only a day or so that I had no computer. I fear I may have been overreacting. But, alas, my perception is biased now that I have it back and I’m blogging, listening to the new Fray CD (Which is awesome!! Thanks Em!), responding to emails, and checking my Facebook. Yep, that’s right guys I’m even multitasking. :)

 

It’s good to be back though. I missed blogging. I think it’s becoming somewhat of a release, as well as some guaranteed time for writing.

 

I was able to fill my time this weekend though. It encompassed a lot of Girl Scout planning. This camp we’re planning now is actually taking shape. I’m getting so excited! And some much-needed family time as well. It was so fun, Matt, Becky, Chris, and Tara were all able to come over for a late lunch Saturday. It was great to catch up with everyone. And, Tara was sweet enough to ask me to be her Bridesmaid this September. I’m so excited about that too! Now, I know that the time will absolutely fly by until then.

 

Yesterday was nice too. I spent the morning teaching preschool, and the afternoon painting for an art assignment. It’s been so long since I painted last, I really enjoyed it! And, surprisingly the painting didn’t turn out too bad. Last week I spent a day creating some more fused plastic bracelets, which turned out so cool! So I’ve been exercising quite a lot of creativity lately. Probably good for me, huh?

 

As far as a health update goes, I’m having a flair at the moment. I woke up this morning knowing that it would be a painful day. The rain is definitely not helping. But, I’m managing.

 

More tomorrow. If I remember I’ll post a few pictures of those bracelets :)

 

Peace, molly

 

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” ~ Albert Einstein

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