How It Feels To Be Me…

Do you really wish to know?

Sometimes I don’t, but I do.

I alone know how it feels to be me.

I try to explain, to share my joy and my pain,

But not everyone listens.

Will you?

Let me tell you my secret…

I feel the healing.

It’s like a breath of fresh air,

But it brings with it a passing storm.

The pain:

The horrible pain that smothers,

And entwines itself within me.

The dizziness:

The endless sensations,

That in one swift spin can move me to my knees.

The fatigue:

The blanket of indescribable tiredness,

That brings with it aching muscles, un-restful sleep, and complete confusion.

My heart beats fast;

My hands shake;

My stomach turns inside out.

I’m pained by the knowledge that tomorrow may be worse than today.

But, I’m comforted by the future which holds such promise.

I’m reassured by the voices of my loved ones.

I’m thankful for every breath, every thought, and every action,

Which have been taken to help me heal.

I know the journey will be a long one.

And if you knew how it feels to be me,

You would listen.

 

Molly Murphy, 1/29/09