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I survived! My friends, I tilted and jilted and never toppled! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist…)

The tilt table test was (mostly) all bark and no bite.

My results were negative and the doctor performing the test said my responses were normal! Imagine that, something normal? Needless to say I didn’t argue the fact. He was a slightly condescending doctor – I have a feeling he doesn’t often perform these tests on 17 year-olds. Just a hunch, considering he asked if a “young lady” my age was still in high school these days.

I was hooked up to more sensors and wires and I could count, and was given IV fluids throughout the test. The nurse was awesome. I had an IV in under 5 minutes! Seriously, can I take her home and keep her? And, moving on, I had blood pressure cuffs on both arms, a device reading my pulse hooked onto my wrist, and was strapped onto the special table. It was actually really cool to see how all of the things worked. The nurses were laughing at me at one point when I couldn’t help but exclaim – “Cool!”.

I make no excuses. I’m really very easily amused.

Throughout the test they had to keep adjusting the pulse device. I don’t think it was working properly. And the machine was taking my blood pressure constantly! Or, what felt like constantly. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who has had to bite their lip when the cuff is tightened too much. Ouch! I’m often painful to the touch. My arms, shoulders, and neck are a mess today. After 20 minutes or so, they stood me up. And – not much happened! I was a little dizzier, a little more nauseous, and slightly lightheaded but it wasn’t too far away from normal for me.

After a while they sprayed something (I’ve already forgotten what) under my tongue to make my heart speed up as if adrenaline was kicking in. That didn’t make too much of a difference. I felt horrible though. Suddenly I was weak in the knees. It was taking all I could manage to keep my knees from buckling. My eye lids were drooping. My head felt so foggy. It was bizarre. But, of course, I couldn’t think of how to explain any of this. All I could say was “I’m so tired.”. I think they assumed it was because it was so early in the morning.


Soon they tilted me back down to a sitting position and that was when the fun began. They assumed that things would run it’s course now and nothing else would happen. Why am I always surprising doctors? As soon as I laid down and closed me eyes I was gone. I was suddenly so dizzy, and I said so. They rushed at the machines. It soon passed, but it wasn’t fun. I’m guessing that it had more to do with the fact that I closed my eyes after all the movement than with POTS though. Closing my eyes always makes me swim a little – and I’m always more dizzy. Oh well.

So, long story short, no POTS! We’re chalking all the excess symptoms up to Lyme, I guess. And I do have a vestibular disorder to boot. So it’s not really surprising. It’ll be interesting to hear what my doctor says next week. She’ll have the results herself by then.

I spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies, snacking on popcorn, and sipping tea with my mom. Nothing like Joan Crawford to distract a girl. And I’d forgotten how much I loved the movie “The Bone Collector”! Wow!

I was dizzy, nauseous, and lightheaded. But yesterday seemed to be a hotbed of other suspicious Lyme symptoms. I was also having some horrible abdominal pain. My entire abdomen is swollen and painful to the touch right now. Yuck. I wish my doctor appointment was sooner!

However, I think I’ve caught the worst of the recovery phase today. I’m not feeling well at all today. Sigh. At least I planned for this. I’m sad that I could anticipate this, but grateful that I’m able to know my body as well as I do.

Thank you, thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts this week!

Still feeling the love, molly

Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. ~ Helen Keller


Well, I had an eye-opening experience this afternoon. I love those, I really do. They’re such rare experiences and yet they shouldn’t be, they really shouldn’t be. It’s so clear in my mind I had to write about it. I was resting this afternoon after a long morning when it happened. I had English, and Art, and Chemistry all swirling around in my brain, and to add Economics on top of that was a bit much on a day where I was testing out new contacts and Herxing (needless to say). So there I was watching TV, or at least trying to. I moved from the chair to the bed. Switched movies at least five times. And, I still couldn’t find a comfortable position or concentrate on anything to watch. I was just restless, in pain, and oh so fatigued.


Finally, I turned to my favorite movie: Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window. But, that’s beside the point. As I was lying there listening to the voices of Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly argue about the merits of people being able to live anywhere they wanted, I suddenly realized that it was quiet. I mean, sure there were the voices on the TV and the dog breathing loudly in the hallway and the sounds of life outside the window. But, in my head it was quiet.


All I could hear was the silence. It wasn’t deafening. It was sweet. It was peaceful. It was absolute bliss for a few moments. The high-pitched ringing that had been echoing through my skull for hours had stopped. I remember simply smiling, until I realized that I didn’t know how long it had been stopped for. What if it had been gone for an hour already and I, too busy trying to tune it out, had missed the joyous occasion?


And so, my eye-opening experience comes into play now. I realized that for the past few days, maybe even weeks, I’ve been experiencing new symptoms but I’d been blocking them out. I noticed them, and I lived with them, but I hadn’t been enough in-tune with my body. That’s something I need to work on. I need to stay grounded. I need to not live outside my body looking in, but actually live in it. And that, my friends will be hard. I fully admit that. We’ll see how I do with my renewed realization in the next few days.


More to come.


Peace, molly


“There are times when silence has the loudest voice.” ~Leroy Brownlow

Hello all! What a crazy day. I’m sensing a pattern…. yes, I seem to be saying that a lot lately. What is it that’s been happening that just leaves me drained by the end of the day? Is it just normal winter-blues, or is it my reaction to my antibiotics treatment for my Lyme Disease? I’m curious! But anyhow, my day began this morning when I woke up 20 minutes late for teaching my 4 year-old Preschool of Religion class at my church.


Needless to say, I was in a bit of a dazed state as I ransacked my room for some suitable clothes to wear (because of course I would forget to do laundry wouldn’t I?) and threw my hair up. I had to laugh at a point though, because only after getting dressed, putting up my hair, and confirming I had a ride, did I notice that I had a huuuge sleep line running right up my cheek! Lovely, right? Yup. Oh so attractive, let me tell you. So there I was… just looking at it and wishing I could laugh! It did fade away a few minutes later, but by that time I had practically forgotten about it already … the merits of memory loss folks!


So yes, the start to a wonderful day? Perhaps not quite wonderful, but not half bad at that. I always love teaching at Preschool. I really do. I look forward to it all week, until late Saturday night when I realize I have to wake up at an un-Godly hour the next morning. But then once I’m actually awake I remember why I do it. I love seeing the kids, I think I have as much fun each week as they do! Granted, the art project today wasn’t my favorite… but I’m moved past it. I won’t have to tackle it for another year! We finished with about half an hour left to spare though, so my teen helpers and I played I don’t know how many games to keep all the kids occupied! Ohmygoodness, I’m tired again just thinking about it.


My parents and I spent the afternoon priming my mom’s newly-build office walls at her nonprofit (she runs a thrift store.). I only lasted through two walls before I was too fatigued, but I did have fun! If things go according to plan, we’ll try to finish up the project and paint them tomorrow. Wish us luck!


The rest of my day was spent just relaxing and catching up with friends. I was able to watch part of Double Indemnity, I love that movie! Perfect film noir, that’s for sure (my favorite!). We had an amazing chicken dinner, thanks to my mom’s friend. And, I have utterly and completely convinced myself that I’m unable to win a game of solitaire. Ever. No matter how many times I try, or what version. It’s just pointless. And yet, I’m addicted. Wonderful. And with a whole two more days of vacation left too. This could get interesting…


It has been a great weekend so far though, lots of time to check in and talk to friends. Most of them are done with finals now, so it’s much less hectic.


As far as my Lyme Disease updates go… I’m not so sure I have the best news. I’ve been having all kinds of odd symptoms crop up lately. Most noticeable has been the nausea, it’s been almost two straight days of that. Also, I’ve been getting stomach cramps, aches, and heartburn quite regularly. Those aren’t usual. And neither are the cold sweats I keep breaking into. My mom suggested that the sweats seemed like a toxin-release…so could this be a sign of me having a Herxheimer reaction? I don’t know. I start my second antibiotic in a few days, and I’ll be seeing my doctor soon after that. So, I’ll check with her and see what she says.


And with that, I think I’ll take my dizzy-self to bed for the night.

Thanks guys!


Peace, molly


“Joy in the universe, and keen curiosity about it all — that has been my religion.”  ~ John Burroughs

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