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Another Lyme friend of mine shared this photo on Facebook, and I immediately sat back in my chair as a wave of understanding rolled over me. Every sane human being is searching at one point or another in their lives for something that speaks to their soul as a purpose. There’s such a deep meaning to that word. Purpose. It’s daunting. More than that though – it’s hopeful. 

Purpose

I feel that those of us who are chronically ill must intrinsically look to the concept of purpose differently than others at times. 

I don’t know about you, but my purpose at this point in my life, in my own unique journey, is to fight for a healthier me. I wake up every day with the intention to help my body win this fight. Medications, nutritious foods, healing energy, positive affirmations and laughter are all tools in my arsenal.

One day my purpose will change. I will be a healthier me and I’ll be ready to take the next step in my life. But today? I did have a rough morning. As I place my hand over my heart I feel my hopes and dreams surging through my body. I feel the life I have in me. I feel the purpose. I am the purpose. And I’m not giving up.

 

peace & healing,

molly

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emily and isabelle, originally uploaded by sweet sweet life.

 

I’m working on finishing the update from the appointment with my new LLMD and it’s taking me a lot longer to finish than I had expected. It’s slow going as I’m patient with myself, my memory, and my symptoms.

In the meantime I have two things to share with you. First, this lovely photo I found this morning. I have always loved this poem! It was the inspiration I needed and just the reminder I wanted today; I hope you enjoy it too!

Secondly, I wrote a new piece this week that I’d like to share with you. I like to think of myself as an aspiring writer, but with Lyme I feel that most of my creative writing has gone on the back-burner. I haven’t written a thing resembling poetry, stories, or anything remotely creative in ages. But these words just poured out of me in a way that I was craving. I’d like to invite you to read this.

I’m calling it my break-up letter with Lyme.

Before You Go Away

I thought it would be fun to look back and see what I had posted on this day last year. Oddly enough it fits with my day today perfectly!

So I’m sharing it with you again.

 

Let me just say…

February 12, 2010 in Living Life Tags: Feel Good, Healing, Inspiration, Lyme, Lyme Disease, Photos, Positive Thinking, Quotes, Smile

37/365 – hello sunshine!, originally uploaded by orangesparrow.

Good morning! Thought I’d pop in with a smile. I hope you have a absolutely lovely day today! Inspire others. Find your joy. Search for peace. And let Lyme slip away from your thoughts for a moment. We all deserve a break!

I’m working on an update for you all. School deadlines have got me exhausted this week, but it’s coming, I promise! Oh, how I’m looking forward to a nice three day weekend.

Much love, molly

 

"MAY THE SADDEST DAY OF YOUR FUTURE BE NO WORSE THAN THE HAPPIEST DAY OF YOUR PAST." – IRISH BLESSING

 

(via Shawna Lemay on Flickr)

 

I think those of us with invisible illnesses understand this quote more than the average person. We quite literally live it. Thank you, Plato :)

In other news – I’m off to my LLMD this afternoon. I’m crossing my fingers! It’ll be my first appointment since stopping all my pharmaceutical antibiotics last month. Many symptoms have lessoned, and a few old ones have resurfaced. I’m not sure what to think. I’m trying to go in with an open mind.

I’ll be back with an update soon!

Much love,

molly

 

 

 

I’ve had this photo up in a browser on my computer for a few days now. Every once and a while I click over to it, and just let the words speak to me.

I want to believe they are true.

I hope this inspires you as much as it does me!

It’s too late to do anything and too early to sleep. So I go through my options. I could read, but I’m not excited about my library book at the moment. I could watch a movie. Oh, wait, I already watched two today. Or, I could come talk to you, lovely readers!

How are you? Are you having a good holiday season? I certainly hope so! Living in Minnesota, we’ve had enough snow lately to guarantee a white Christmas like I’ve never seen before. I live on top of a hill and some of the windblown snow heaps were thigh-high last weekend! We were literally snowed into the house for a while there. And it’s cold too.

I’ve kept inside. I love winter, but this year I’ve lived it indoors, usually from the comfort of my couch with a cup of tea in hand and a classic movie playing on my dvr. To be fair, I’ve watched a few Christmas movies! I have to do what I can to get in the spirit of things.

I have to admit though, I’ve been feeling awful for days and I can’t seem to get into the holiday spirit. Yet. I know I will, I always do. I love Christmas. It’s full of family, and food, and laughter. Warm memories. Part of my problem is that fact that I’ve been feeling too ill to bake cookies. Every day I wander into the kitchen, look at my shiny new set of cookie cutters on the counter and sigh.

“Not today. Tomorrow.” I tell myself.

I don’t know what’s going on with me, but something is. Maybe I’m herxing, or I’m beginning to become more toxic. I don’t know. I need to tell my LLMD but I’m not sure what to say. I’ve been trying to think of how to describe this, but no concise explanation is coming to mind.

My head aches. My abdomen is swollen with the feeling that it’s my actual organs that are so painful. I’m dizzy, fatigued, nauseous. I’m shaking like a leaf and am conscious of my rapid pulse. My limbs are falling asleep when they shouldn’t. I know I should exercise more, I really am too sedentary, but this is getting ridiculous! Yesterday I was crouching down when my leg began to fall asleep. I’m growing somewhat used to this, so I ignored it for a few moments longer. Bad choice, Molly. When I stood up I had a horrifying moment where I couldn’t move or feel my leg. My foot wouldn’t leave the ground. The moment I stopped trying, my foot jerked out of place and I would have fallen if I hadn’t caught myself on a nearby chair. In this ordeal I rolled my ankle, too!

Today I spelled my name wrong while I was writing my signature.

All I feel like doing is curling up into a ball and waiting for it to be over. This too shall pass, right? That’s what I keep telling myself.

Lately I’m canceling plans with friends, avoiding cooking, and I’m sure my tone of voice isn’t doing me any justice. Here I am, a week away from Christmas and I want to spend the days wrapped in blankets on the couch. I’m barely moving.

I was having a tough few days before I saw my acupuncturist this week. I told her all about my LLMD’s concerns over toxicity, and she got to work. I’ve steadily gotten worse since then. I think some of the toxins have been released, and I’m working to get them out. A detox Epsom salt bath is on the docket for tomorrow! And I’m very grateful to have another acupuncture appointment next week.

Tomorrow is a new day. I have hope it’ll be a better one than today. I’d love to start getting some of the Christmas decorations up around the house. Who knows, maybe I really will get to make those cookies tomorrow!

 

Peace & healing,

molly

Instead of a quote, I thought I’d post a photo of a quote tonight. I like to change it up :)

NellieBly

The other night I saw this in the book I was reading and I thought I’d share it.

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