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Recently I’ve been wondering how to accept the time I’ve lost. The years of college and experiences I’ve missed. Then I remember that every single thing I’ve done and gone through in the past has helped shape and mold me into the person I am today.
And you know what? I like the person I’ve become today. And for that I’m grateful.
This quote resonated with me today. It seemed to answer a small voice in my head that needed to be heard. I hope it helps somebody else today too.
I thought it would be fun to look back and see what I had posted on this day last year. Oddly enough it fits with my day today perfectly!
So I’m sharing it with you again.
Let me just say…
Good morning! Thought I’d pop in with a smile. I hope you have a absolutely lovely day today! Inspire others. Find your joy. Search for peace. And let Lyme slip away from your thoughts for a moment. We all deserve a break!
I’m working on an update for you all. School deadlines have got me exhausted this week, but it’s coming, I promise! Oh, how I’m looking forward to a nice three day weekend.
Much love, molly
"MAY THE SADDEST DAY OF YOUR FUTURE BE NO WORSE THAN THE HAPPIEST DAY OF YOUR PAST." – IRISH BLESSING
(via Shawna Lemay on Flickr)
I think those of us with invisible illnesses understand this quote more than the average person. We quite literally live it. Thank you, Plato :)
In other news – I’m off to my LLMD this afternoon. I’m crossing my fingers! It’ll be my first appointment since stopping all my pharmaceutical antibiotics last month. Many symptoms have lessoned, and a few old ones have resurfaced. I’m not sure what to think. I’m trying to go in with an open mind.
I’ll be back with an update soon!
I might have gone a little cupcake crazy. I’m not sure. I mean, how many cupcakes does that constitute? Because, I made more today. I couldn’t help it! The muffin tins were out, the new jar of agave was in my line of sight, and we had a family friend over for dessert and coffee. Coffee was made to be pared with chocolate. Don’t deny it.
I made the chocolate cupcake recipe from elana’s pantry exactly as written. And, ohmygoodness, these cupcakes are amazing! They mixed up so quickly, and I didn’t even bother to drag out my mixer. I love batter that I can whip up with a whisk. (I love my whisk, too. It might disappear from my parent’s kitchen when I eventually move out.)
Coconut flour fascinates me. I’m not ready to experiment with it on my own yet though. I can’t get a handle on the liquids ratio. But every recipe I try with it is wonderful! And it makes such moist and spongy muffins and cupcakes. That much I know!
So, this recipe is highly recommended!
I whipped half a stick of butter, a few scoops of cocoa powder, a few drizzles of agave syrup, and small amount of melted chocolate together to make a quick frosting. Yum! A little buttery for my taste, but it was fast and painless. I can’t find a stevia-sweetened frosting recipe. Anyone know of one? Or honey based? I’m trying out a cream cheese/honey recipe tomorrow, but my mom doesn’t do dairy.
Ignore the white cupcake in the photo. More on that one tomorrow.
Sweat dreams, molly
“Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, usually do”
Yes. I have one word for you: Cupcakes! This is no laughing matter. Cupcakes are to be taken very, very seriously. Got it? This is important stuff we’re dealing with here!
Or, you can be like me and throw caution to the wind as you dare to enter the world of refined sugar and gluten-free baked treats. Come join me!
I woke up this morning and stifled a groan. I don’t wake up well. At all. My joints feel stiff, my muscles ache, my head is heavy, my eyes are dry and I’m usually starving from not eating much for dinner the night before. I always hate the first steps out of bed that capture the Bartonella pains in the soles of my feet.
I staggered out to the kitchen this morning, and that’s all I remember. Next thing I know I’m cutting a grapefruit, making toast, and spilling peanut butter. Who knows how much time had passed, but I didn’t care. I was hungry for a change. And I was thinking. Today, I would make cupcakes. Yes, it sounded like a wonderful idea!
Lately, I’ve coped with my bad days by spending more time in the kitchen. Whole days have gone by that I’ve accomplished little more than having dinner ready, or planning a new meal, or researching a new ingredient. I can’t seem to sit still, or concentrate on anything.
But cooking makes me happy. I’m creating something with my own two hands to share. It fills a gap in my life that I’d forgotten about until recently. And, for now I can still measure, pour, mix, chop, simmer, and season. My mind can still comprehend recipe instructions. I just can’t always eat. I’m working on that one. Baby steps, baby steps.
So today I made cupcakes!
More simple things to come.
Happy cooking, molly
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
I’ve been working on this post for so long that I barely remember what it all was that I wanted to say. In fact, this post has been so long in the works that apparently I’ve got another appointment with my LLMD next week. That works out wonderfully since I’ve forgotten my last one! (Surprise, surprise.)
I do remember that last month I walked into the office in the midst of my abdominal troubles. Near constant pain, swelling, and complete loss of appetite. My doctor had me get an ultrasound for a suspected enlarged spleen. That ultrasound came back within normal limits. But I was still left with the pain, not to mention the swelling. There really wasn’t much we could do. I wrote about this extensively here.
I also had a blood draw that day to check on my liver panel. Being on the Mepron was worrying with the toxicity, and now those new symptoms. Last week I came home from the Senate hearing and found a message from my LLMD waiting for me. My liver panel numbers were significantly higher than my December results had been. At my January appointment we had decided to wait and see what another month on the Mepron would produce. My Babesia symptoms had flared, and not broken yet.
Instead, with these new liver panel numbers I was instructed to stop the Mepron until we could discuss the situation with my doctor in depth. So, I was on the yellow stuff one morning, and off that night. Just like that!
I think it shocked my system, frankly. Last week was one long herx. I barely made my school deadlines, and by the end of the week I had a migraine like I hadn’t had in months. I can only describe it as a headache so intense that it reminded me of the ICP episode of last year. I had a constant low-grade temperature, and an increase in brain fog.
But by Sunday morning I was feeling well enough to follow-through with my plans to volunteer at my old elementary school’s Mardi Gras, and then spend the afternoon with friends. It was a joy! And, I couldn’t believe my luck when I felt well enough the next day to spend another afternoon with friends! Things were looking up. The herx had lifted. Lifted, that is, all except for one symptom. I’ve still got the headache I got the day after I stopped the Mepron. It’s no longer a migraine, but it’s a headache. And it isn’t letting up.
As far as I can tell I’m still showing symptoms of Babesia. But, I’m waiting to hear my LLMD’s opinion next week.
I feel differently since stopping the Mepron, however. I don’t know how to describe it. A word isn’t coming to mind. I think my energy levels are a little higher, and my stomach has felt better since last week. My concentration level and cognitive functions are fleeting though.
Yesterday I couldn’t settle down to work on homework. Something just wouldn’t let me concentrate on what was in front of me. Instead I found myself making bread. Gluten-free bread. From scratch! I don’t even remember starting – I just recall being in the thick of measuring flours and smelling yeast. I made a big pot of quick lentil soup for dinner (I’ve been craving lentils like crazy!), and threw together a chocolate pudding to set overnight. I was a madwoman in the kitchen and I could barely stand by 7 o’clock.
I do feel that I’m not getting enough probiotics in my routine. And, adding more can only help my abdominal issues. I do take a supplemental probiotic, but I want to be adding additional foods to that. So – deep breath – starting this week I’m going to begin brewing kombucha (fermented tea) and give that a shot. I’m also very interested in water kefir as a dairy-free kefir option.
I had the opportunity to spend the afternoon today at the MN hearing for the house version of the Lyme protection bill, HF 2597. No vote yet. The bill was tabled.
More soon. I feel sleep coming, and not a moment too soon.
Peace and healing, molly
“So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we just don’t sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we’ve satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late.” – Lee Iacocca
Hello, everyone! There are a couple new features to find here on the blog, and I thought I’d give you a head’s up.
First, on the left-hand side of the page is a new email subscription feature. I’ve always had the Feedburner email service, but I wasn’t ever completely satisfied with it. WordPress has come out with a service of it’s own that I’m excited to try! So, if you’re interested go ahead and test it out. It will email you the complete blog post (not just a snippet) minutes after I post it and give you a link to comment. I like it – I signed up myself just to see what it was like! And there’s still the feed subscription here as well.
I’ve also created a new page called Lyme in Action. Do you ever have complete and total Lyme moments? The ones you just can’t explain? I do! Check out Lyme in Action to laugh with me as I share my own.
And lastly, this isn’t a new feature but if you missed my update on the MN Lyme bill you can read about it here.