It’s too late to do anything and too early to sleep. So I go through my options. I could read, but I’m not excited about my library book at the moment. I could watch a movie. Oh, wait, I already watched two today. Or, I could come talk to you, lovely readers!
How are you? Are you having a good holiday season? I certainly hope so! Living in Minnesota, we’ve had enough snow lately to guarantee a white Christmas like I’ve never seen before. I live on top of a hill and some of the windblown snow heaps were thigh-high last weekend! We were literally snowed into the house for a while there. And it’s cold too.
I’ve kept inside. I love winter, but this year I’ve lived it indoors, usually from the comfort of my couch with a cup of tea in hand and a classic movie playing on my dvr. To be fair, I’ve watched a few Christmas movies! I have to do what I can to get in the spirit of things.
I have to admit though, I’ve been feeling awful for days and I can’t seem to get into the holiday spirit. Yet. I know I will, I always do. I love Christmas. It’s full of family, and food, and laughter. Warm memories. Part of my problem is that fact that I’ve been feeling too ill to bake cookies. Every day I wander into the kitchen, look at my shiny new set of cookie cutters on the counter and sigh.
“Not today. Tomorrow.” I tell myself.
I don’t know what’s going on with me, but something is. Maybe I’m herxing, or I’m beginning to become more toxic. I don’t know. I need to tell my LLMD but I’m not sure what to say. I’ve been trying to think of how to describe this, but no concise explanation is coming to mind.
My head aches. My abdomen is swollen with the feeling that it’s my actual organs that are so painful. I’m dizzy, fatigued, nauseous. I’m shaking like a leaf and am conscious of my rapid pulse. My limbs are falling asleep when they shouldn’t. I know I should exercise more, I really am too sedentary, but this is getting ridiculous! Yesterday I was crouching down when my leg began to fall asleep. I’m growing somewhat used to this, so I ignored it for a few moments longer. Bad choice, Molly. When I stood up I had a horrifying moment where I couldn’t move or feel my leg. My foot wouldn’t leave the ground. The moment I stopped trying, my foot jerked out of place and I would have fallen if I hadn’t caught myself on a nearby chair. In this ordeal I rolled my ankle, too!
Today I spelled my name wrong while I was writing my signature.
All I feel like doing is curling up into a ball and waiting for it to be over. This too shall pass, right? That’s what I keep telling myself.
Lately I’m canceling plans with friends, avoiding cooking, and I’m sure my tone of voice isn’t doing me any justice. Here I am, a week away from Christmas and I want to spend the days wrapped in blankets on the couch. I’m barely moving.
I was having a tough few days before I saw my acupuncturist this week. I told her all about my LLMD’s concerns over toxicity, and she got to work. I’ve steadily gotten worse since then. I think some of the toxins have been released, and I’m working to get them out. A detox Epsom salt bath is on the docket for tomorrow! And I’m very grateful to have another acupuncture appointment next week.
Tomorrow is a new day. I have hope it’ll be a better one than today. I’d love to start getting some of the Christmas decorations up around the house. Who knows, maybe I really will get to make those cookies tomorrow!
Peace & healing,
molly
Instead of a quote, I thought I’d post a photo of a quote tonight. I like to change it up :)
The other night I saw this in the book I was reading and I thought I’d share it.
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December 17, 2010 at 12:23 am
karen
Hi molly
I live in Minnesota too. I also have lyme. The winter is especially hard for me because I love the outdoors but too cold and snowy to go out and take a walk. With these storms coming I have been unusually dizzy the kind where any movement sends me reeling. I love reading your blogs I just0found you yesterday. I am not feeling well. So I must go lay down and I too have been trying to make my Christmas cookies for weeks now. Maybe tomorrow ;)
January 27, 2011 at 11:20 am
dizzygrl05
Karen, I’m so glad you found me! Hope you’re feeling much better these days, and I hope I’ll continue to get to know you here :)
Much Lymie <3, molly
P.S. I did eventually get a few batches of cookies made… although it was exhausting!
December 18, 2010 at 7:21 am
Martha
You are not alone in your feelings. I too often want to go to sleep until this is all over, but that is not possible. My tone of voice doesn’t do me justice either. But we keep pressing forward- what else can we do? May God be with you; I will say a prayer for you this morning.
December 27, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Kim
I hope you’re feeling better these days, Molly. And I hope you had a Merry Christmas!
My own Lyme decided to rear its head again this Christmas after a year of remission, so I’m praying 2011 brings better health for BOTH of us!
I just started NOW’s L-Carnitine in liquid form for the shakiness. It’s working for me. I don’t know if you’re already on it, but thought I’d throw it out there. :)
January 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
dizzygrl05
Oh no, here’s hoping you’ve got that Lyme calmed down again!! I’m having a rough time… obviously… but I know I’ll pull though. Soon, I hope! I’ll join you in that prayer.
Much love!
January 27, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Kim
Thanks! You won’t believe how crazy I am. I really thought my Lyme was back because I was having terrible migraines. Only to find out it was a hormonal thing in response to the birth control they put me on, which was also causing my jaw to be tense, which caused me to think I had Lyme. Honestly, Molly what a HUGE sigh of relief when we pieced it all together. All the fear and uncertainty of Lyme came rushing back at me when I thought it was back. It forced me to put my heart where my mouth is and acknowledge that it’s not in my control and I have to trust God to get me through whether it comes back or not. I can’t live in fear of it for the rest of my life. I’m grateful to still be here in remission though and now just putting these hormones back together again. I really hope you’re not feeling this poorly still. I’m sorry you had such a rough holiday season.
January 2, 2011 at 10:31 am
Jeanne
I happen to know a family just up the street from you that has a sauna. They have netflix online, too. You could sauna, shower, and then curl up on their couch with a movie.
: )