Early Morning Tomorrow

Just wanted to give all a heads up! I’ve got my monthly-ish appointment with my LLMD {very early} tomorrow morning. I feel unprepared for it, but we’ve been waiting for this for a few weeks. So many little things have piled up symptom-wise, and I of course, forgot to write them down. I’m doing my best to remember them all tonight.

 

It’s been a rough few days since late last week. I was able to have fun over the weekend though. My soon to be sister-in-law had her shower on Friday, and my aunt and grandma were able to make the trip up to come too. It was a lot of fun! We met and mingled with a lot of her family, played some games, and enjoyed ourselves. I was pretty overwhelmed by the time it was over, but it felt good to be there. Then on Saturday we found time in between the rain storms to get the St. Paul Irish Fair. It’s one of my favorite summer events, and I look forward to it so much! This year we got there in time to hear Romantica play, which I was hoping we would. That’s probably the only concert I’ll make it to all year! I only lasted a few hours, but again, it felt good to be there. We were frustrated by the lack of gluten-free foods available though. I made do with french fries. Of course they didn’t have corn beef and cabbage, that would have been perfect! And I’m still confused as to why they didn’t…

 

However, this week I’ve taken it easy. I’ve barely gone a day in the last two weeks without abdominal pain, and it’s been getting worse. Today was better, so that was a relief. I’m having chest pains almost every day as well. They come and go. And now more joints are bothering me. Today my wrist and elbow acted up. Totally new symptoms. So these are all things to report tomorrow.

 

I’ll post an update as soon as I’m able to!

Peace and healing, molly

 

“May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past” ~ An Irish Blessing

Chasing Cars, Or My Sanity!

I had an awesome weekend, but I woke up this morning not feeling so hot. I’m moving slowly, but I don’t quite know how to describe how I feel. Which, is odd. Usually I have a pretty good handle on what’s wrong. But today, it’s a jumble. I’m not overly dizzy; I’m not in too much pain; I slept OK. But I do know that I don’t feel like I’m really in control right now. My body is weak, and trembling. I’m shaky, and I hate it.

 

I took a long, hot shower this afternoon. I thought it might help me out. And, it has. I’m more awake, which is a good sign. And I thoughtfully remembered to turn the radio on so I could save myself from just the echoing ringing in my ears this morning. And I’m glad I did because a song came on that just hit home. It was Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars. I’ve always loved this song, and I own an incredible acoustic version of it.

 

But today, laying in the bathtub the lyrics just seemed so perfect. So spot on. Here are the ones I’m talking about :

 

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

 

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That’s bursting into life

Simple, and yet so profound for me today. You can listen to the whole song here. I hope you enjoy it, it’s one of my favorites.

 

More later,

molly

 

“Music is what feelings sound like.”  ~ Author Unknown

“Time Flies”, Really? Are You Sure About That?!

Has it really only been a week? God, it feels like so much longer! Not only have we been struggling with our internet connectivity while we switch providers, but on top of that my computer completely crashed. It’s Murphy’s Law in action. I swear!

 

I still don’t know what happened to my computer, and I’m not sure that I want to. It’s working now. I’m just thankful for that! I do know however that it took my dad hours on the phone over the week with Dell as well as a weekend of reloading every piece of software I use on a daily basis on a connection not much faster than dial-up (read that as Extremely Time Consuming!!!) I think I finally loaded the last program this afternoon. But seriously, I always joke around with my dad that he couldn’t live a day without his computer…. yeah… somehow I don’t find that so funny anymore!

 

I had a few days there that I barely knew what do do with myself. I couldn’t check my email, talk on IM, listen to my music, go to school, or blog. Or the million other things I felt like I should be doing. It was so bizarre! I seriously did feel so unconnected with life. I wasn’t bored, just impatient. And yet, it was only a day or so that I had no computer. I fear I may have been overreacting. But, alas, my perception is biased now that I have it back and I’m blogging, listening to the new Fray CD (Which is awesome!! Thanks Em!), responding to emails, and checking my Facebook. Yep, that’s right guys I’m even multitasking. :)

 

It’s good to be back though. I missed blogging. I think it’s becoming somewhat of a release, as well as some guaranteed time for writing.

 

I was able to fill my time this weekend though. It encompassed a lot of Girl Scout planning. This camp we’re planning now is actually taking shape. I’m getting so excited! And some much-needed family time as well. It was so fun, Matt, Becky, Chris, and Tara were all able to come over for a late lunch Saturday. It was great to catch up with everyone. And, Tara was sweet enough to ask me to be her Bridesmaid this September. I’m so excited about that too! Now, I know that the time will absolutely fly by until then.

 

Yesterday was nice too. I spent the morning teaching preschool, and the afternoon painting for an art assignment. It’s been so long since I painted last, I really enjoyed it! And, surprisingly the painting didn’t turn out too bad. Last week I spent a day creating some more fused plastic bracelets, which turned out so cool! So I’ve been exercising quite a lot of creativity lately. Probably good for me, huh?

 

As far as a health update goes, I’m having a flair at the moment. I woke up this morning knowing that it would be a painful day. The rain is definitely not helping. But, I’m managing.

 

More tomorrow. If I remember I’ll post a few pictures of those bracelets :)

 

Peace, molly

 

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” ~ Albert Einstein

Life Can Just Be Anti-Climatic

Yup, I admit it. I had a rollercoaster kind of day today. It started out frustrating, became just plain out fun, and ended on the bittersweet note of vertigo-to-be.

 

I walked down to my favorite local coffee shop with my mom this afternoon to meet up with one of the amazing people who agreed to meet with me to sign my forms for my scholarship today. It was so nice to be walking outside. The sun was shining, the snow was melting, and I was actually able to wear my coat unbuttoned! Woohoo! (I love spring… don’t say I never warned you…) I also really appreciate that today I was actually able to walk down there. Some days I simply can’t and I’ve learned to appreciate the ones I can.

 

After I got my forms signed, my mom and I realized we had over an hour to blow before the other form signer was due back at our house. Oh what to do? Well, go shopping at our favorite local shops of course! I made it into the craft store and bought a pattern for a wallet (we’ll see if I can make it out of fused plastic!!) and a beginner’s quilting kit made up of retro fabrics! I’m so excited about both of them! I also picked up a cute new sweater at the vintage clothes store. That’s my favorite type of shopping. No cars, no crowds, no insane shopping malls that are one of a dizzy gal’s worst nightmares; only the friendly small shops that are just a block away. What’s not to love?

So I was able to get the second form signed afterwards, and to celebrate I dug out my new sewing machine to make a few test quilt squares. A few hours (and many tense moments of frustration) later I was happily sewing away at my crooked squares made from my stash of recovered fabrics. And my defense to the crookedness? I say: “Dizzy people see the world differently. So deal with it.” Or, I’ll at least deal until I can finally pull off a straight one. But by that time I’m sure I’ll have moved onto bigger and better crooked and a skewed undertakings.

 

I was also able to receive the letter of reference I needed from my Girl Scout leader. She and Em worked on it last night and tonight, and sent it over. It’s so sweet you guys, thanks again for the amazing compliments! I’m speechless by it. It’s printed and ready to be sent off tomorrow as soon as I get a hold of my transcripts for the past 3 years. Yeah. I know. Easier said than done. Wish me luck, I have a feeling I’ll be needing it.

 

So, sounds like a great day right? It totally was! But, here’s the anticlimactic part. I’m ending the day after barely being able to eat anything all day. The nausea is kicking up, and it’s not pleasant. My mom made an awesome dinner of crab bisque and I could only manage a half a bowl. Sad, I know. I forgot to eat lunch and half-way through dinner I was blind sighted by a wave of nausea and dizziness so strong that I was positive the room was going to start spinning around me at any minute. I haven’t had vertigo in over a year, and I’d like to keep it that way.

 

So here I am, typing even though my hands, wrists, and arms are aching. I’m drinking hot water with lemon juice squeezed in it because it’s the only comforting nausea remedy that I know of. Listening to music that’s just loud enough to distract me from my headache, but not loud enough to make it worse. And avoiding turning out the light and going to sleep because I know that the minute I’m immersed in the darkness I’ll begin spinning, twisting and turning, and gripping the bars of my loft bed struggling to relax.

 

I think I’ll do some reading tonight. I’ve just begun a new book in the Mary Russell & Sherlock Holmes series written by Laurie R. King (which I’m addicted to by the way!). With any luck I’ll read myself tired, which wont be hard to do tonight. That I’ll admit too.

 

More later.

Peace, molly

 

“Never, never, never give up.” ~ Winston Churchill

I made it through my 1st week!

Hello again! Ah, what a nice day: Lots to do and accomplish but plenty of time to do it in. Or, that’s how it feels now that I’m done with it all…. I have a feeling that earlier today I would have completely contradicted myself!

 

 First off, before I forget (*Blog Updates*) I’ve finally added quite a few photos to my Photo Album page! I hope you all take a few minutes to take a look at them. There are some of my favorites in there! I’m still combing through picture files though so I’m not done yet. Just be advised… 

 

 And, another piece of news for you! Today was my 1 week anniversary. Whew, I made it through my first entire week with Lyme! Time for an update perhaps? Let’s see… I’m not nauseous. Which, is odd actually. The antibiotic I’m taking right now is known to cause nausea. And on top of that I’m normally nauseous from day-to-day because (as I often explain) being constantly dizzy does have that affect upon a person. So, I was expecting to be quite sick to my stomach by now. But no signs of that yet! You’ll hear no complaints tonight from me about that one at least.

 

As far as my dizziness goes, I have been a bit more than normal I suppose. It’s such a normal state for me now that I don’t notice it as much anymore unless I stop to think about it. Or, something stresses it. But yes, I have noticed it lately. I’ve been a bit more tipsy than I’d like to admit! It’s worse as the day progresses and I get more tired. The more tired I am the more stressed my system gets which only increases all my symptoms. It’s harder now in the winter too because it gets dark so much earlier and darkness makes me dizzy. That’s to do with being less able to gauge where I am in space, if that makes any sense? Basically, I’m unable to judge where I am in the dark because some of my senses are taken away. So, I fall or stagger, or feel like the room is spinning around me. Usually I’m the one spinning though, not the room. But, I’m adjusting to take the extra dizziness into account these days. If worse gets to worse, I can always dig up my old Vestibular Exercises. (Ickky!)

 

What else is left now? Oh yes: My pain. I’ve had a few slight flair-ups; none of them lasted too long though. My legs are troubling me these days, but no more than usual. I compensate by stealing the easy chair in the living room! It’s so much nicer to work with your legs up, don’t you think? It’s easier on the inflammation too. Gotta love those added benefits. I haven’t had to break out any pain meds recently though, so I’m thankful for that.

 

Another thing I’m thankful for? I rediscovered my music today! Odd, I know, but it seems that I forgot about it for the past few weeks. I do tend to forget things easily (Fibro fog? Memory loss from my concussion? Or the Lyme. Take your pick.). Anyhow, I found it again today and I’m so happy!

 

I love music. I have no musical abilities whatsoever myself, but I absolutely love listening to it. Today while I was working I put on my newest “Buddha Bar” CD. Which, if you haven’t heard any of them they’re so wonderfully peaceful! Very calming, and grounding. Then later I found a few old favorites from my library to listen to. There’s not much better than a song that just makes you smile after a long day. Is there?

 

And, so with that thought in my head and the smile still on my face,

I’ll bid you all g’night!

                peace, molly

 

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” ~ Douglas Adams